Okay ENOUGH of this October bad luck!!!

[V153]

Just got off the phone with a very good friend of mine. From the sound of his voice I immediately knew something really bad had happened. His 47 yr old wife had a stroke(?!) a couple weeks ago. Ended up paralyzed on her left side unable to speak. Carol appeared to be making progress. She regained some of her left side mobility & could respond to yes or no questions by nodding or shaking her head. But wednesday afternoon she had yet another, fatal, stroke.

I'm really worried about Dave, he didn't sound too good. That pair were like two peas in a pod. Been together thirty years. A 'traditional' marriage if you like. Dave works hard and brings home a lotta bacon & Carol kept the house, yard & her flowers and plants immaculate. He's gonna be lost without her.

Services are Sunday. What do you say? What can you say at a time like this? Please! I'll take all the help I can get. 

[MarkS]

It's a weird time to be sure, with all the bad luck and terrible things happening to folks.  Doug of course you will express your condolences and sympathy, but I think the most important thing you can do for Dave is assure him that you are there for him, and show him it's true by spending some time with him if and when you can.  Maybe offer to go with him to help make arrangements, do whatever you can to make sure he has somebody who cares about him around A LOT for a while.  I'm sure he's going to feel all alone, losing a "soul mate" of so many years would be devastating to say the least.  Just hanging out with him and helping him deal with all of this would be the greatest gift you could give a close friend, I would think.  He may not feel like having company right away, but I would believe the least amount of time he spends alone right now would be best.  Just my opinion, thought I'd throw it out to you trying to help.  Good luck buddy, it ain't gonna be easy.

[dorelse]

Ok...my opinion...

I still do not want to talk to people about my Dad...so people asking me 'What happened?' really isn't what I want to hear.

What makes me feel better are people genuinely saying, "I'm so sorry, Doran." or some sort of genuine message of condolence.  Its even better if they can tell me what they thought of him, etc...

If he's that close of friend, go there and 'hang'...don't push, just be in the house.  My Mom still doesn't want to be alone yet...let him dictate the day...if he says, let's get out of here...be ready with a good idea.

That's my 2 cents.

And...I'm so sorry...something's been going on lately...lots of us are losing good people lately.

[David CVX-16]

The loss of a loved one is often so deep that nothing will heal except time. Those around the one who has suffered the loss can only express their sympathies and stand by to help if asked.

Jody, the bank employee who transfers cash for our company, suffered the loss of her second husband to a sudden heart attack at the age of 58 in September 2010. Her first husband committed suicide 11 years ago, leaving her and 3 children. When I talk to Jody, there is nothing I can really say, other than "I am so sorry" or "it will take a long time to heal". She said she will reread the support books she read when her first husband died. And she has single female friends. 

[Rosscoe]

Like you said.... what can you say?
I agree with what others said, BUT, get a feel for the situation. Personally, for me, I would want SOME alone time, so dont push. He needs to grieve in his own way and that may involve being alone for peroids of time. Thats just my opinion. Thankfully, I havent lost spouse in that way. I just can not imagine what it would be like after 30 years.

[V153]

Well I made it through the service and said what I had to say. Lot of people hurting in that room. Carol was a very sweet soul. And knowing how much those two loved & depended on each other touched everyone. Something to be said 'specially in this day & age for a couple sticking together "thru better or worse" for more than 30yrs. "'Til death do they part"?

Dave is standing tall but imo virtually unconsolable at this point. Though we did enjoy a man-hug/cry-fest, briefly.

I been to a few funerals but lemme tell ya this was a tough one.