Author Topic: You can retire . . .  (Read 3038 times)

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Offline Jerry

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You can retire . . .
« on: July 31, 2010, 10:11:09 PM »

  You can retire to the Southwest where.....
 
 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
 2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet   bowl.
 3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
 4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
 5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
 6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
 

 You can retire to California where...
 
 1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
 2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
 3. You know how to eat an artichoke..
 4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
 5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it   is.
 6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.
 

You can retire to New York City where...

 1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .....
 2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus
 Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
 3. You think Central Park is "nature."
 4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
 5. You've worn out a car horn. (Ed. note: if you even own a car!)
 

 You can retire to Maine where...
 
 1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .
 2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
 3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
 4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
 5. The two seasons are: winter, an 4th of July
 
 
You can retire to the Deep South where...
 
 1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
 2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
 3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
 4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob , Jimmy Bob , Mary Sue, Betty Jean , Mary Beth, etc.
 5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.
 

You can retire to Colorado where...
 
 1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car ..
 2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
 3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
 4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.


You can retire to the Midwest where....
 
 1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
 2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
 3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
 4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at? "
 5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"
 

AND You can retire to Florida where..
 
 1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
 2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
 3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
 4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
 5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
'72 Glastron GT160 Sport - Okie-Dokie
'63 Winner - Grandpa's Fisn-Bote
'63 Glasspar SeaFair Sunliner - Mischief Maker

Offline Rosscoe

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Re: You can retire . . .
« Reply #1 on: August 02, 2010, 08:09:35 PM »
 5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

I do this and was told by someone from Wis. its a Mn thing?
Ross
61 Surflite 1964 90HP Johnson project
67 V163 Bayflite Super Sport  1989 100HP Merc
67 V164 Bayflite 120HP
67 V174 Crestflite Rat Rod
71 V175 Crestflite 350ci -Jet
73 GT 160
84 CVX 17  83 115 Merc
88 CVX-23 350 Mag

Offline V153

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Re: You can retire . . .
« Reply #2 on: August 02, 2010, 08:24:56 PM »
I do the same thing Ross. Always think of Tampa as X amount of time away. Or Miami or the Keys. Or Ft Myers even. Now that I think about it I probly couldn't tell ya how many miles away any of them are. But I can tell ya how long it'll take you to get there?
'81 C500_given away, bought back_75.1 mph
'81 Baja 15SS_140 Frankenrude_66.7 mph
'70 something SpeedCraft_(Allison 16R Clone)_69.0 mph
'79 CVZ19_given away
'71 V153_54.8 mph_wrecked


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